More than a year later....I'm still in love

Every once in a while I need to remind myself of the x billion projects I've started and never finished...not quite. It's not that I'm negligent, I just have so much going on in my life, and so many things that I'm crazy about that I cannot devote myself to one thing within a reasonable amount of time. Is that so wrong? But I'm happy right?

So every time I'm reminded of this blog, I go back and read my accounts of my precious onigiri, S, like drops of pearl in the ocean. I've forgotten how much S has grown and I can't believe it has been over a year since I last posted in this blog. Actually, a lot of things has happened during the past year. I studied my ass off for the MCAT, applied to medical school, organized 2 fundraisers, went on a Catholic camping excursion, and traversed 3 different countries (abroad) for a mission trip. Oh and I got into medical school, 4 of them! I must say 2012 was a pretty productive year for me. I still haven't decided which school to attend yet since I'm still waiting for campus assignment for one and another one is way too good to pass up yet (ugg....hard decisions!). I am so glad that I finally get a breather for once. I'm definitely going to make the most out of the time I have left before I start school. And that means, going on a real vacation, trying to complete all the craft projects that I wanted to do, and of course, spending a ridiculous amount of quality time with S.

S is such an amazing child now. And I really mean it. She has transformed into such a darling little girl. Despite her occasional bitch fits and the morning drudgery of getting her ready for school, she is so helpful, so obedient, caring, and dependable. This morning, Daddy and S forgot her bookbag at home, so Daddy decided to entrust S with bringing her bookbag to school from now on. S just turned 5 recently. We made it a big deal in the house.

"Dear S, you are 5 now. You are going to have more responsibilities. Like remembering to do your own homework."

Except, we don't really have to remind her. S loves to read. It doesn't matter how late it is, she still makes us read to her before nightime.

"Mrs. K said you have to read to me every night Mommy!"

We also told S she should try to wean herself from nighttime diapers now that she's older. On some nights, she insists on not wearing diapers and promises to go to the bathroom or hold her pee in when she needs to go. Despite all of our efforts, she still gets accidents and then she goes back to the diapers. I know it's bad that she still pees in her bed, but I don't want to shame her into getting better. It is her age-appropriate obstacle and I want her to be able to overcome it with her own willpower, which she has tons of.

Speaking of willpower, S has shown a lot of interest in writing/reading lately. For the past nights, she has been sitting quietly on her futon (yes we got her to sleep on her own bed! woohoo!) and writing in her "journal" while listening to our eclectic collection of music. With our internet out of service and Saya fallen fast asleep, H and I spent some time going through her journal (with her permission of course). Ah, the experience was priceless. Saya has several sketches of humans and animals with various (and pretty successful) attempts at spelling out words. On one page, she has a framed sketch of a dolphin on a see with the sun shining in the sky and the letters "DLFIN" written across the top of the page. On another page, she spells out HPY BRTAY. On several pages, she writes our full names....mispelling it at times. H mentioned that S has asked him for my "second" name.

"What? You mean, Mommy's last name?" ,H replied to S.

"yea, that one" ,Said S. Then she proceeds to spell out my name on her own.

*sigh* S just makes my heart melt. She has inspired me on so many levels. S has gotten me into a baking frenzy lately. It started December 2011, when she stumbled upon several cake pop tutorials while browsing Youtube (who'd knew a 3 year old could be so proficient?). She nagged me for months...."Mommy, can you please make cake pops?" I was busy studying for the MCAT, but immediately went out and bought the supplies the day after I took the exam. That weekend, with the help of my friend, I made cake pops with S. I think she must have gotten her tenacity from me because like me, she REFUSED to eat while she coated her cake pops with candy melt and decorated them with sprinkles and other toppings. That day, I discovered that S and I could bond through baking.

I had baked before, with horrible success. I tried to make a german chocolate cake from store mix and store frosting. I didn't know that you were supposed to level a cake by cutting out the domed top, so my german chocolate cake was a big disaster. It drooped everywhere. It was so overly sweet and just all around dry. From that day on I vowed that I would never go into baking again. But I bought a bunch of cake mixes for S's cake pops. As the saying goes, one thing led to another. One day, I decided to use up all the cake mixes and store frosting that I had. I made cupcakes for a party. It was so EASY and Saya loves to help. Her favorite part is cracking the eggs and mixing the batter. The cupcakes was a huge hit, even though I thought it was still too sweet. That same day, my friend had enlisted me to help him bake a cake for his girlfriend (since most bakeries were closed that Christmas weekend). With little experience and minimal tools, our team improvised. The birthday girl was very happy with her cake. Everyone raved about how moist the cake was. I told one of my girlfriend about my previous baking fiasco. "You should give it a shot, V. I think you're going to do amazing things."

Well, I have definitely been taking her advice and since then, I've experimented with all sorts of baking techniques. Meringues, chocolate mousses, chocolate ganache, different frosting, cream cheese frosting, and so much more to be discovered.  I never realized that my baking was more well received than my cooking was. Now I know the true meaning of the "icing on the cake!" Because of S, I have found a new love. It has been a crazy ride. I hope that she will continue to inspire me throughout the rest of my life......

Eh, so much for that off-tangent topic.

Saya's Inquisitiveness & Positive Parenting

*sigh* I'm a bit stuck at work right now. H has spent the last 30 minutes trying to drive two blocks to the nearest gas station and pick me up. The funny thing, he's still not at the station yet. So what do I do? I'm pretty exhausted from editing MRI images and programming batch codes all day. I'm just not in the mood to do anything productive, so I figured I'll update this poorly run blog for my lil onigiri.

She's probably asleep right now, nestled snuggly in our bed while H is braving Chicago's project snowstorm and I am comfortably trying not to think about having to go out there. It can't be that bad can it?

Anyhow, I know that I mentioned in the last post that Saya's starting to talk a lot more, up to a point where it makes our brains dizzy. "Mommy? Why does it get cold? Why is it light and dark? Why does it rain? Why does it snow? Why does the moon come out when it's dark? Why is that lady talking? Why? Why? But WHY?....." Although it can be exhausting at times, I have to give this one credit for being so inquisitive about scientific phenomena. I try not to discourage her for asking the questions. Instead of giving her half-assed explanations, I do make an effort to explain the reasoning to her.

"Well Saya. It rains because the water in the ground gets hot and become air. The air goes to the sky, where it becomes clouds. When the clouds have a lot of water in them, they can't hold it in any longer and they let everything out. That's why it rains."

Saya goes,"oooohh..."

Daddy adds,"See Saya. It's just like when you need to pee. You drink a lot of water and when you can't hold it in anymore, you pee in the toilet."

Saya,"OOOhhhhh..."

It just amazes me how a little child like Saya is already asking questions that I never thought of asking in the first place. Even when I was a young kid, I would just assume that the moon was a well-lit balloon that followed me everywhere I went. It never occurred to me to ask the adults what actually happened. So yes, as tiring as it is to come up with explanations for Saya's questioins, I keep on answering until I reach a point where I can't answer her "Whys" anymore. I figured that's a life lesson that we all often forget: that some things just don't have an answer and it's up to us to find those answers.

As much as I love science, I find that I'm not as creative as I want to be in the way that I think about things. I mean, given an idea, I can make things work. But to come up with that idea alone really takes a special kind of skill. Growing up in an asian household with strict parents, I was trained to never question adults. If we were accused of doing something, defending ourself or just the mere act of speaking to our parents would be met with a beating. I'm not saying that my parents were bad parents, but I feel that type of discipline could suppress a child's leadership qualities. I think that my siblings and I would've been really messed up human beings if it weren't for my mom's ability to reason through our actions and consequences, which negated my dad's beatings.

So I carry what I learn from my mom and years of education in psychology to my parenting with Saya. She's young, but already at a stage where she is defiant. Her auntie tells me she that she acts more like a teenager, throwing b*tch fits and getting upset when people talking about her. She's also very empathetic by displaying nurturing attitudes towards her toys and other members in the family. The other day auntie called Saya to ask her what she wanted for dinner. Saya asked her to bring enough food for "mommy and daddy." When anyone asks her who she loves more, she always reply that she loves "both." One day I caught saya rubbing some vaporub on her Hello Kitty stuffed animal. Saya said that Hello Kitty had a tummy ache and the vaporub would make HK feel better (she mistakes vaporub for tiger balm because of the smell).

So that's the update on my baby. Sassy, as always, but now more mature. If she acts like a teenager now, I sure hope that she will act like an adult when she does become a teenager. Such wishful thinking!

She talks too much

So now I've resorted to phone blogging to save those itty bitty precious free time for my baby. The funny thing is she's pretty old now. Saya can speak complete sentences, asks you questions and even argue with you with some common sense. We have a tendency to say that she talks too much, but we all really adore her eloquence, despite it driving us crazy sometimes.

Yesterday morning saya asked hak,; daddy can I ask you a question? How do you "mem" yourself?" In Khmer, "mem" means to nurse. Yes, Saya still nurses. She just can't give it up and I don't think I can either. It is really a wonderful bonding experience. There's nothing quite like caressing your child while she lays snugly in your arms. I feel so calm and content when I'm bfing. I know its the hormones, so it's not just me being crazy. I never thought that I would bf for this long.ther are some moments when I wished saya would give it up already. However when she's loud n energetic n suddenly wants to nurse, its like a sigh of relief for me because I would experience a moment of peace and quiet to myself.

I know that she will get over it and I try to encourage her. But for now, il cherish every bit of it.

But yea there goes my diversion from the topic again. Going back to saya being so talkative, she's quite a character now.just like her daddy, she just doesn't stop talking! Some of her favorite lines are "talk to me" and "what did your say?" She's adding more adjectives and prepositions to her sentences.

Saya is extremely possessive of her parents. Chhay, haks 23 year old nephew, is staying with us for the time. Whenever hak or i around, she always give him a dirty stare n tell him that "that's my mommy."

I have no idea how well sayas speaking skills compare to her peers. We try to correct her english when she's wrong so that school l won't be so hard when she gets older. Is such a shame that they took her off the roster for another child at the local public school. I hope too get her started soon. She's intellectually ready, but I'm not sure if she's emotionally ready. I wish that id get more time to spend with her, but I have to focus on my career. Do this is what being an adult feels like. >.<

Book Project

Starting today I am going to write a book for saya for all her smart alec quotes. Here's some beginners:

#1:

Chhay (older cousin): Hey Saya wanna see my missing tooth? (shows Saya missing tooth).

Saya: You eat too much candy. The dentist had to pull it out. You need to brush your teeth.

#2:

(Saya is sick and Daddy pours her some medicine into a cup. Saya "chugs" the cup and walks away.)

Saya: Oh the medicine's so yummy...I love medicine.

Daddy: Saya, why is there more stuff in here than the medicine I poured in for you? Wait a minute come back here! Saya drink your medicine!

#3:

Saya: Chhay where were you?

Chhay: I went to see my friends get married.

Saya: Well, when I marry my boyfriend you can't come.

#4. (at the mall with Auntie Chara)

Mall salesperson: Is this your mommy?

Saya: No she's not my mommy. She's not my family.

(Auntie Chara buries her face in her hands.)

#5. (Auntie Leah brings Saya to her first day of school. They are walking 2 blocks home and Saya is upset that Ming Leah makes her walk the entire time. )

Saya: Ming Leah you're a jerk. I don't love you anymore.

#6.

Saya: Daddy, you know what mommy said to me?

Hak: Yes?

Saya: She said you're a bitch, Daddy. That's right.

#7 (Vy and Saya is walking through the front gate. Vy proceeds to open the gate but notices that she tried to open the wrong end of the gate.)

Saya: (starts giggling softly) Mommy, you're funny. You went to the wrong side of the gate. Haha you're so funny.

#8.

Saya: Daddy, I have a question for you.

Hak: Yes, Saya what do you want to ask?

Saya: How do you mem (Khmer for "nurse") yourself?

The terrible threes

How sad is this? The last time I updated this blog, Saya was 2 and now she's nearly 4. We started her application for preschool at the local elementary school. I'm praying that they will let her start this August. She is definitely intellectually ready for school and I think that the environment will foster some social skills in her. As of now, Saya is such a bratty little kid. Granted, she's cuter than ever because she talks so damn much, but there are times when she just drives me crazy. I wish that I could continue the rest of this post but damn, I really need to get back to studying. :(

Some thoughts on my 2 year old

Hi again,

I almost forgot I had started this blog over a year ago until a few days ago when I discovered the joy of blog reading after hunting down a rau cau (vietnamese jello) recipe. While the rau cau sucked big time (due to my poor mathematic skills), the blog reading happy person in me became motivated to contribute to this blog again.

So what's the deal with my baaaybee? She's no longer a baby of course. Saya turned 2 recently. I think I must have spent almost a grand for that party (even though it wasn't as crowded as her first party), but the food was incredibly delicious. Back to my lil one'. Well, I am at work right now taking a break from some data processing. Saya is probably at home right now, either watching her "Minnie mouse" shows or playing with her cornucopia of toys. As with other children her age, she has A LOT of toys. Most of it are hand me downs, some were from her birthdays, and then there's the "just-becauses" from Uncle Thinh. I try not to add to Saya's collection of toys, but considering it was her birthday last month, I brought her to Target to let her hand-select one toy.

Well you know how the story goes. You put a toddler in the toy section and all hell breaks loose. Saya was grabbing toys from the shelves left and right. She was terrified of the ABC Elmo, but then again, she loved the tune the character was playing. Of course she had no idea she would only get one toy, but we let her play around with a huge selection to see how fast she got bored of each. Then we arrived at the baby dolls section. To me surprised, Saya was mesmerized by this Target brand baby doll. It was a pretty tricked up baby! It had a bottle that when inserted into the baby's mouth would cause a sucking motion. The baby also cried, laughed, giggled, and snored when certain parts of its body was squeezed. Saya used to hate it when I held other babies, but she was different with this little doll. For one, she was perplexed by the bottle feeding. She would alternate between sticking her finger in the baby's mouth and putting the bottle in the baby's mouth to see why the baby wouldn't suck her finger. Unlike the other toys, she was also very delicate with this doll, cradling the doll in her hand and patting the baby's head. I gave her the option of choosing the fair-skinned or dark-skinned baby and she chose the dark-skinned baby. I also bought her a cute little doll stroller from this awesome dollar store near my house. (it wasn't a dollar, but it was really sweet).

I think the purchase was, in Hak's opinion, a pretty solid investment. The next day Hak's mother tells me that Saya tried to put the baby for a nap and ended up putting herself to sleep. When she woke up from the nap, she noticed her baby did not have a blanket, so she quickly covered the baby with a blanket. Then she told the baby "Mommy go to work" as I always tell her when I leave for work. Saya also learned to use the phrase "uon sua" ("drink milk" in Vietnamese) whenever she gives the baby the bottle. But what's probably most hilarious to us is when she breastfeeds the baby! Saya would lay the baby by her side and cover the baby with a blanket while locking eyes with her doll.

I think buying the doll for Saya gave her some lessons in empathy. When she drops the baby carelessly, I tell her that "it hurts" and "the baby cries." Saya would immediately draw attention to her doll again, cradling the doll with her hands and singing a lullaby for her doll. Of course, there are numerous times when she's not playing with this doll, to which she would say that the baby is "sleeping."

I know this is like preaching to the choir, but when I see Saya do these things that reflect most of what I've done as a mother, it reminds me of how impressionable children at this age can be. I try to watch what I say around her, I also realize that it's what you do that counts the most.

I haven't successfully weaned Saya yet, and despite what others think, she's not too old for nursing. Although she eats a variety of food, it's incredibly difficult for me to force her to eat as much as a typical 2 year old, so I think continuing to nurse her ensures that she's getting some more nutrients. And even though the late night feedings deprive me of some sleep and days off to myself, it's hard to stay away from my baby for a long time also. I enjoy the quiet times that we get when Saya's nursing (otherwise, she ransacks the house all day). I am trying to wean her gently (with the don't-offer-don't-refuse method) and reminding her that big girls don't "maem" (means "nurse" in khmer), but she still requests to nurse every night.

Man, I am getting pretty tired writing this blog. (My lack of sleep and work to blame) I think I am ready for a nap!

Upcoming D-day, I mean B-Day

In two more weeks, Saya turns 1 year old. Even though it seems nice to invite all my seemingly close friends (even though I don't have many, they are all just golden), somehow I dread this day more than ever. I'm not a fan of big parties, as you can see. The closest to partying I do are family get-togethers and company picnics. After I turned 21, I didn't hit the clubs with my girlfriends. In fact, in the past 3.5 years since I turned 21, I only went to a club once. And it was due to going out with DB because he wouldn't go if I went and his friends really wanted him to.

Anyway, I've already written down my guestlist. I haven't invited all the peeps yet, but am hoping to outsource that task to my two closest friends and mother. I've compiled a little spreadsheet to enumerate our guests as well as keep track of costs and supplies; for food mostly. (Of course, parties are ALL about the food!) Starting next week, I will need to start gathering supplies. blah blah blah...party...man I'm really starting to despise party planning. (It will be one of the main reasons for holding off our "wedding" as long as possible.)

Update on Saya:
Still hasn't walked yet. Some people are already calling her a "slow" walker, to which I reply,"Hell yea! She's lazy as heck. We have her walk and after a few minutes, she'll get back down to the floor and start crawling." I think it's amazing how being born around the same time can subject you to all sorts of comparison. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, but I try to avoid making comparisons that promote the idea that my baby is superior to others. She's not. What she is, however, is one sassy ass lil' baby. She has been very good lately as I can't even tell when she's teething. But last night. Well, I don't really know what it was but she wouldn't stop going to the tv yesterday and pressing buttons left and right. DB and I tried to have a decent movie night (watching our Forensic Files, man I love that show), but Saya's antics had us a little frustrated. After several failed attempts to keep her away from the tube, he put her in "time-out" (in her crib) for a minute. She wailed at the top of her lungs, so we took her out. She went back to her bad girl ways. Wouldn't breastfeed or sleep, so DB brought her back to the crib. Strangely, she instantly made peace with the crib and sat there for a good 15 minutes, playing with her crib toys.