The terrible threes

How sad is this? The last time I updated this blog, Saya was 2 and now she's nearly 4. We started her application for preschool at the local elementary school. I'm praying that they will let her start this August. She is definitely intellectually ready for school and I think that the environment will foster some social skills in her. As of now, Saya is such a bratty little kid. Granted, she's cuter than ever because she talks so damn much, but there are times when she just drives me crazy. I wish that I could continue the rest of this post but damn, I really need to get back to studying. :(

Some thoughts on my 2 year old

Hi again,

I almost forgot I had started this blog over a year ago until a few days ago when I discovered the joy of blog reading after hunting down a rau cau (vietnamese jello) recipe. While the rau cau sucked big time (due to my poor mathematic skills), the blog reading happy person in me became motivated to contribute to this blog again.

So what's the deal with my baaaybee? She's no longer a baby of course. Saya turned 2 recently. I think I must have spent almost a grand for that party (even though it wasn't as crowded as her first party), but the food was incredibly delicious. Back to my lil one'. Well, I am at work right now taking a break from some data processing. Saya is probably at home right now, either watching her "Minnie mouse" shows or playing with her cornucopia of toys. As with other children her age, she has A LOT of toys. Most of it are hand me downs, some were from her birthdays, and then there's the "just-becauses" from Uncle Thinh. I try not to add to Saya's collection of toys, but considering it was her birthday last month, I brought her to Target to let her hand-select one toy.

Well you know how the story goes. You put a toddler in the toy section and all hell breaks loose. Saya was grabbing toys from the shelves left and right. She was terrified of the ABC Elmo, but then again, she loved the tune the character was playing. Of course she had no idea she would only get one toy, but we let her play around with a huge selection to see how fast she got bored of each. Then we arrived at the baby dolls section. To me surprised, Saya was mesmerized by this Target brand baby doll. It was a pretty tricked up baby! It had a bottle that when inserted into the baby's mouth would cause a sucking motion. The baby also cried, laughed, giggled, and snored when certain parts of its body was squeezed. Saya used to hate it when I held other babies, but she was different with this little doll. For one, she was perplexed by the bottle feeding. She would alternate between sticking her finger in the baby's mouth and putting the bottle in the baby's mouth to see why the baby wouldn't suck her finger. Unlike the other toys, she was also very delicate with this doll, cradling the doll in her hand and patting the baby's head. I gave her the option of choosing the fair-skinned or dark-skinned baby and she chose the dark-skinned baby. I also bought her a cute little doll stroller from this awesome dollar store near my house. (it wasn't a dollar, but it was really sweet).

I think the purchase was, in Hak's opinion, a pretty solid investment. The next day Hak's mother tells me that Saya tried to put the baby for a nap and ended up putting herself to sleep. When she woke up from the nap, she noticed her baby did not have a blanket, so she quickly covered the baby with a blanket. Then she told the baby "Mommy go to work" as I always tell her when I leave for work. Saya also learned to use the phrase "uon sua" ("drink milk" in Vietnamese) whenever she gives the baby the bottle. But what's probably most hilarious to us is when she breastfeeds the baby! Saya would lay the baby by her side and cover the baby with a blanket while locking eyes with her doll.

I think buying the doll for Saya gave her some lessons in empathy. When she drops the baby carelessly, I tell her that "it hurts" and "the baby cries." Saya would immediately draw attention to her doll again, cradling the doll with her hands and singing a lullaby for her doll. Of course, there are numerous times when she's not playing with this doll, to which she would say that the baby is "sleeping."

I know this is like preaching to the choir, but when I see Saya do these things that reflect most of what I've done as a mother, it reminds me of how impressionable children at this age can be. I try to watch what I say around her, I also realize that it's what you do that counts the most.

I haven't successfully weaned Saya yet, and despite what others think, she's not too old for nursing. Although she eats a variety of food, it's incredibly difficult for me to force her to eat as much as a typical 2 year old, so I think continuing to nurse her ensures that she's getting some more nutrients. And even though the late night feedings deprive me of some sleep and days off to myself, it's hard to stay away from my baby for a long time also. I enjoy the quiet times that we get when Saya's nursing (otherwise, she ransacks the house all day). I am trying to wean her gently (with the don't-offer-don't-refuse method) and reminding her that big girls don't "maem" (means "nurse" in khmer), but she still requests to nurse every night.

Man, I am getting pretty tired writing this blog. (My lack of sleep and work to blame) I think I am ready for a nap!

Upcoming D-day, I mean B-Day

In two more weeks, Saya turns 1 year old. Even though it seems nice to invite all my seemingly close friends (even though I don't have many, they are all just golden), somehow I dread this day more than ever. I'm not a fan of big parties, as you can see. The closest to partying I do are family get-togethers and company picnics. After I turned 21, I didn't hit the clubs with my girlfriends. In fact, in the past 3.5 years since I turned 21, I only went to a club once. And it was due to going out with DB because he wouldn't go if I went and his friends really wanted him to.

Anyway, I've already written down my guestlist. I haven't invited all the peeps yet, but am hoping to outsource that task to my two closest friends and mother. I've compiled a little spreadsheet to enumerate our guests as well as keep track of costs and supplies; for food mostly. (Of course, parties are ALL about the food!) Starting next week, I will need to start gathering supplies. blah blah blah...party...man I'm really starting to despise party planning. (It will be one of the main reasons for holding off our "wedding" as long as possible.)

Update on Saya:
Still hasn't walked yet. Some people are already calling her a "slow" walker, to which I reply,"Hell yea! She's lazy as heck. We have her walk and after a few minutes, she'll get back down to the floor and start crawling." I think it's amazing how being born around the same time can subject you to all sorts of comparison. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, but I try to avoid making comparisons that promote the idea that my baby is superior to others. She's not. What she is, however, is one sassy ass lil' baby. She has been very good lately as I can't even tell when she's teething. But last night. Well, I don't really know what it was but she wouldn't stop going to the tv yesterday and pressing buttons left and right. DB and I tried to have a decent movie night (watching our Forensic Files, man I love that show), but Saya's antics had us a little frustrated. After several failed attempts to keep her away from the tube, he put her in "time-out" (in her crib) for a minute. She wailed at the top of her lungs, so we took her out. She went back to her bad girl ways. Wouldn't breastfeed or sleep, so DB brought her back to the crib. Strangely, she instantly made peace with the crib and sat there for a good 15 minutes, playing with her crib toys.

New Trick for Baby

Saya learned to wave goodbye today. Hak pretended to leave because she has a tendency to cry when she sees him leaving. So he waved goodbye to her before walking out the door and she waved right back! The funny thing is, she doesn't cry when I leave. I tell Lah (hak's younger sis) it's because when I leave, I never really leave Saya. I always come back, plus I'm never gone for long. Hak, on the other hand, is often gone when he leaves.

Did I mention Saya also knows how to do the "touchdown wave?" She learned how to do it along with Ben a week or two ago. Now, Saya has the movement down pat. Just yell out "touchdown" and she'll raise her arms over her sides high up in the air.

You might wonder how or why I ever found the time to write my blogs today. Usually, I'm either surfing the net for more free patterns or knitting or crocheting and obviously, TAKING CARE OF MY PRECIOUS ONE. Fortunately, she fell asleep very quickly today. I didn't realize how tired she was until I brought her to the bed and she fell asleep within a matter of seconds. It's been reaaaaaaaaaaal hard to do that lately.

Thoughts on Breastfeeding and Going Back to Work

I've been contemplating lately, about going back to work; looking for a part-time or fulltime job. It really pains me to do so, because even at 11 months, it doesn't seem like Saya wants to give up the breastfeeding at all. She gets incredibly cranky when I'm not there to nurse her. Or is it because I don't want to leave my baby? I'm heartbroken, almost. Before I knew I was even pregnant with Saya, I wanted to be able to take a 2-3 year hiatus from work to stay at home with my children. It was almost fairy-tale like because I'd assume that I would be having children long after I established my career. But then Saya came along. I decided that I might as well take that hiatus now since I wasn't tied to a career yet. The really unfortunate thing about all this is that DB and I are only starting out in our post baccalaureate years. We're so dirt poor because he was laid off from his job. (It wouldn't have been so bad if he had taken my advice to NOT leave his previous job. But he disregarded my advice anyways because he thought the new job offered better opportunities. And now, he's laid off, without any unemployment benefits at all.) Aside from Saya and my healthcare, we are currently without any governmental support. We live with his retired father while our savings are hemorrhaging money. Hence why I'll have to join the job-search party when Saya turns 1 if DB hasn't found a job yet by that time. Now that I made the decision to return to work, I'll have to juggle with partially weaning Saya and looking for a job (both equally daunting tasks).

I tell you, there's just not enough cultural support for breastfeeding in America. I've already received numerous unsolicited advice from family members and strangers to wean my baby. I'm the only person I know who breastfeeds her baby past the three month mark. In some ways, this makes me very lonely at times. Even though I view it as an entirely natural thing, and there's this whole community of mothers who encourage and support mothers who breastfeed, I feel like I feel vindicated, almost, by those closest to me, for continuing to breastfeed my baby. (well, enough ranting about that. It's the same ol' incoherent me again)

I know I'm in a financial situation, but if it's even remotely possible for me to continue my relationship with my baby (if DB finds a job to support us until Saya goes to school), I'd take it. I've already made the resolution to purchase clothes only from the salvation army and make the occasion splurge on knitting and crochet supplies (so that I can one day make patterns and dolls to sell) as my only personal expenditure. Despite our money problems, I've been really happy lately. My craft has turned into an obsession. I realized that even though there's very little money in this stuff, I'm actually very happy doing it. I want to get real good, so that I'll be an expert on something for once, and not a jack-of-all-trades.

Sleepless in Chicago

It has become such a pain in the rear to put Saya to sleep. She seems to have dropped her second nap at the tender age of only 11 months, making it much harder for me to get some ME time. Saya doesn't seem to sleep at all at my will. I'll do things like nurse her, rock her, feed her solids until she's very full, bring her out for a drive (which often successfully lulls her to sleep, but not without her dissent; she still hates her car seat to death). When Saya was first born, it was a breeze putting her down. She slept through anything, even through Ben's incessant cries (Ben cried more than she did as a newborn), or a loud vacuum going through the house, or people's screaming. Saya slept so much it made Phuong, my older sister, wonder whether she was "normal" or "well" at all. I really took that for granted. I never had to put her to sleep. She just fell asleep. If only it could stay that way. 

My little sleeping angel slowly turned into a sleeping rebel. In a desperate attempt to get Saya breastfeeding again after a series of nursing strikes, I decided to cut Saya from the bottle altogether and breastfeed exclusively. When she finally took the breast again, she nursed from me practically 15-20 hours a day, which to my surprise, is not rare at all. Staying that long on the breast, it'd make sense that she took some of her naps there too. (It's a very bad habit that seems to run along the bloodline of little babies born in Hak's family) It really didn't occur to me at the time that I was developing a bad precedent by nursing to sleep. But then again, I couldn't help it either because I could never really tell whether she was nursing to eat or nursing for comfort. I didn't want to starve the poor thing, so I nurse on demand. It was so easy to nurse her to sleep. Whenever I was around, she wanted me to nurse her to sleep. Other people could get away with other sleeping methods, but I had to nurse her if I (and I emphasize that I) wanted her to go to sleep. And when Saya's asleep, it's usually ideal that someone sleeps with her so that she takes long naps. She can sleep for a block of 12 hours every night when she sleeps with us. 

Saya started sleeping through the night (STTN) at 3 months. That lasted for a good 2.5 months. She started to wake up more for night feedings. Thankfully, it was easy to put her back to sleep. All I had to do was pop one of my breasts for her and she latch on quietly while she drinks herself back to sleep. However, I'm a very light sleeper and any interrupted sleep means nothing to me. I hated it, of course. The night feedings became more frequent. When I tried to wean Saya onto the bottle at five months, the night feedings became even more frequent. Ironically, I can't seemt o get Saya onto the stuff that I tried to get her off when she was a young baby. Saya til this day, refuses to take a bottle again. As a new mother, I never understood how POWERFUL breastfeeding can be. I mean, the babies just LOVE that stuff, like a druggie on crack. I didn't anticipate that she would refuse a bottle since she was taking that stuff so well in the first three months. Anyway, by 9 months I practically woke up 3-5 times during the night to feed Saya. It led to a lot of resentment between me and Hak. He just has it sooooooooooo easy that he can sleep through the night while I laboriously do everything for his daughter ( i even bathe her and feed her while he "works fulltime", some inequitable division of labor I'm telling you!). I began to wonder whether it's because I breastfeed Saya and whether I had made a terrible decision to breastfeed Saya.  

Funny because it's even harder now to put Saya to sleep. She has become so easily distracted that she'll cut off her nursing occasionally to play with her surroundings and then relatch to nurse again. She might repeat that cycle throughout the bedtime routine an hour (or 2, or 3, or 4) before she goes down to sleep at night. I've thought about letting her cry-it-out, but failed miserably after one or two attempts. I've tried to gently Ferberize her, but that never really works either. Once in a blue moon, she'll fall asleep on her own (after Hak and I are dead tired). Last night, I had to literally pin her down to nurse her to sleep. Otherwise, she'd just roam around the bed looking for walls to stand against.

I presume it's because she doesn't have enough time to practice her walking and standing during the day. Hak and I try to give her plenty of that. We've definitely become more nonchalant about her dreadful sleeping habits. If we didn't, I think we would have gone mad. I picked up crocheting and knitting (again) lately. I've been crazy about it. Everytime Saya sleeps is an opportunity for me to further develop my yarning skills. It explains why I'm up at 3 am in the morning blogging about my daughter's sleep habits. Actually, I should've have been looking up more free patterns (all I can afford these days) on Ravelry, or updating my projects application. I can't believe I've completed over 15 projects since I started 3? months ago. But that's another story in itself.

Procrastinator

Saya just turned nine months last week and here I am, finally writing something about her developments since god knows when. As always, there's much to talk about. I've been busy indulging all my free time making amigurumi, so I left none to write any recent blogs. Hmmm...where should I start?

Did I mention I wanted to try the Baby Led Weaning method? I thought I really failed with this method since the last post when I started her on cereals and pureed solids at five months. Initially, I bought a bunch of fresh organic vegetables (peas, broccoli, squashes, potatoes, and etc.), cooked and pureed them, and stored them in ice cube increments inside the freezer. It's been almost 3 months since I did that and I don't know if it's a sad thing to mention, but a few days ago, I had to dump a bunch of them into the garbage? Why, you might wonder? No, they didn't go bad. It's just that Saya CANNOT STAND eating baby food. She enjoyed the cereals and the purees for the first 2 months or so, but afterwards, she started feeding herself. I tried a combination of traditional solid spoon feeding (when there are things like soups and yogurt that I want to feed her) and BLW. Eventually, I encouraged her to feed herself more by placing her with some edibles at the dinnertable with BF and I. (I guess the whole pureeing and spoonfeeding was "fun" at first, but then it started to become cumbersome as Saya became more physically active and distracted.)

Things really took off since Saya has grasped the pincer grasp! I had a small stash of commercial jarred baby foods to use when I go out and didn't have proper food storage devices and there are still a few jars sitting in our pantry since Saya wouldn't even touch those. She has grown so fond of feeding herself that today, she wouldn't even eat the rice soup (w/catfish, no bones of course) from a sppon. We had to literally spread the thing across her high chair table for her to take a bite. It was a bit comical to watch the poor thing scoup up tiny bits of fish and rice with her hands. It was also an absolute mess. But I've been accustomed to cleaning up after Saya's meals, so the mess didn't seem too bad.

Saya's current repetoire of edibles include:
-Gerber puffs
-broccoli, which she can't get enough of (hooray for me)
-not too fond of the potatoes, but will try the first few chips
-white fish fillets
-chicken/turkey breast, shredded or in the form of nuggets
-rice bits
-hummus
-pita bread/nan/bread
-cheeses
-pasta and noodles
-fresh fruits: bananas (not too fond of), avocado (getting the hang of), grapes, papaya, oranges, apples, berries (I introduced these a little earlier as there's no history of allergies in my family. Luckily, she's not allergice to any of the berries, even strawberries. Lucky for her because she absolutely loves eating berries.)
-baby yogurt (Yo-Baby by StoneyFarms, the only ones that I'll eat now! I wish they had more flavors in this line)

Might I add? Saya has no teeth! Not even a single one. She loves ravaging her food with her gums. You wouldn't think she can eat eat a strawberry cut up, but no, give her that strawberry whole and she'll gnaw at it with her gums until the thing is reduced to strings of fruit. When we give her a slice of something she can't really grind with her gums, she'll just bite off a piece with her gums and suck the living crap out of the bits before she spits it out again. Just yesterday, I fed her some fish soup. I mean, I really tried to watch out for the fish bones (with every spoon I gave her), but somehow I missed this one. Saya ended up spitting the bone back out. One side of of me hung in shame for having missed the bone, but another side was super relieved that Saya can be so smart to spit it out!

I have to say, maybe I was lucky in some ways. BLW kind of came naturally to Saya. I was a bit skeptical that it migt not work at all. I've learned that this really is a laidback approach (you have to be considering the mess! However, the little time you spend in preparation makes up for time you spend in cleaning, plus baby learns to be an independent feeder and takes in highly textured foods! (i'm starting to feel like a BLW advocate now).

That concludes this chapter on BLW. Since I'm rarely on this blog, might as well just discuss other new developments with Saya. She just seems to be a cornucopia of new sounds. Lately, she's been babbling "dah, dah, dee, dah" and occasionally "mama." We try to get a "daddy" or "mommy" out of her, but she doesn't seem to get the message yet. (keep trying they say). I don't really see it in other babies, but Saya has different types of laughs. She has the genuine baby giggles that you get when you tickle her, but then she also has this weird laugh where she practically cuts off her air supply. I dont know how to describe it, but it sounds like you're breathing in too hard or too high in your trachea, like you're making the sound of a creaking door. Saya also laughs "aha" (literally that) or screams at the top of her lungs when she's ecstatic about something. In fact, she screams so damn loud that I can hear the vibrations in my ears during her screams. I only hope that she can keep that up when she gets older in the event that she wants to pursue a singing career. Saya also makes another weird characteristic noise. When she wants somethings, she'll clear her throat very hoarsely, as if she's desperate to remove phlegm from there. It sounds painful. Funny thing though, BF makes the same noise when he wants something.

Saya has become quite a clapper. She claps when she's excited or happy. To our amusement, she consoles herself by clapping when she's upset. Can you imagine a crying baby who happens to be clapping at the same time? It makes sense, of course, for her to amuse herself when she's upset. But for us, it's just hilarious. I'm really disappointed that I've missed videotaping those sessions.

And last but not least, Saya also makes those "mmmmmmmmmmHhh" sounds when she eats something she absolutely loves. I swear, it's as if these babies are born with the instinct to smell out a delicious slice of cake, ice cream, or brownie. Yesterday, Saya eyed a plain doughnut I was eating. I know it was bad, but I couldn't resist letting her explore the doughnut, and I let her have a bite of the nonglazed interior filling. Then another bite, and another bite, and another......because everytime I did, she just kept on going "mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm." It's such a shame she can't drink a glass of milk with that because, guess what, she still will NOT take milk from a bottle.